How Can I Help Your Flooding When I’m Barely Treading Water Myself?

Recently I saw a couple who perfectly illustrated a common quandary. Both individuals lead busy lives. They are doing their best to juggle the everyday demands of life—a particularly hectic work patch for one, family stressors coupled with financial worry for the other. Each is somewhat consumed with their respective stressors. Neither partner is sleeping well, and they both report feelings of overwhelm, exhaustion, and general irritability.

I could tell we weren’t going to gain traction if I asked either to listen to the other and/or to have compassion out of the gates. Rather, each person needed some TLC all their own. When members of a couple are in this state of emotional flooding or preoccupation, it’s nearly impossible for them to access the caring, giving, and curious parts of their being. It’s like the plane is going down and all they can think about is saving themselves.