Relationship to Pleasure

Leave to Come Home…

I recently spent time in the desert—visiting a handful of friends and family who have made it their part time home. I noticed a shift as I entered city limits. The energy is light and joyful. People are playful and engaged. They aren’t rushing or competing—rather they are connecting—both to self and other. Most of the people I met are still working, but not in the 9-5 way. Rather, they are working early morning or in pockets throughout the day, so they have time to exercise, explore and socialize with friends.

I was reminded of the importance of downtime and the value of relationships. As a culture, we find meaning from professional pursuits, but we are also social creatures that need to feel known and seen by people we value. During Covid, much of our routine was derailed. I personally hunkered down and pushed through my PhD dissertation. I worked more than ever and ignored how much I missed my social life.

Resurfacing the past year, I have pent up desire to discover the world and see all my beloved friends, who are flung far and wide. We all began in LA, but over the years, we have splintered across the globe. Scheduled visits this year include Park City, Hawaii, Costa Rica, Barcelona, Amsterdam, Los Angeles, Lisbon, Santa Fe and Provincetown. I have planned more vacation this year than any single year in my life. This both excites and scares me, as I’m also running a busy, complicated business with nine (wow!) employees.

But I recognize that my best work comes when I attend to myself. And I know that for me, pleasure comes from travel, quality time with friends, exercise, good food, and exposure to art and culture. When I engage in these resources, I feel centered and calmer. I am willing to meet what arises professionally and personally. I am also more able to drop into my body and my s*xual, playful side. While the variables of what makes people feel resourced are personal, the benefits of tending to self in meaningful ways, are universal.

Often clients come into my office wanting to want desire. But their life is a desert of joy. They don’t cultivate their garden of delight, so they have no fruit (spontaneous, curious, flexible mindset) to eat later. It’s important to see this as a lifestyle as opposed to single gestures done on occasion for a payoff. It’s a mindset and a commitment to pleasure and to prioritization of self.

Do you know what brings you into a grounded, joyful headspace? I’m betting that your erotic life may reflect how often you allow the pleasures and employ the resources that most matter to you.

For more of a deep dive into this topic check out these podcasts:
– Stress & Sex
– What’s Your Relationship to Pleasure?