Goal Setting

Life gets busy, routines take over, and before you know it, you and your partner might feel a bit disconnected or stuck in a rut. The solution? Goal setting. While most people associate goals with careers or fitness, they can be just as transformative when applied to your relationship and sex life.

Let’s talk about why—and how—to set intentional goals as a couple.

Why Set Goals as a Couple?
Setting goals in your partnership allows you to prioritize your relationship, build a shared vision for the future, and stay connected even during life’s chaotic moments. Goals don’t have to be grandiose; they can be as simple as carving out time for a weekly date night or learning a new hobby together. The act of setting goals keeps communication flowing and ensures both partners feel heard and valued.

When it comes to your sex life, goal setting can bring clarity and excitement to a topic that’s often left to chance. It’s not about making sex feel like a chore or a performance—it’s about fostering intimacy, pleasure, and mutual satisfaction. By openly discussing what you both want, you create a safe space for exploration and growth.

How to Set Relationship Goals
Start with a conversation. Find a time when you’re both relaxed and can talk openly without distractions.

Here are some prompts to get the ball rolling:

• What do we love about our relationship right now?
• What areas could use a little more attention?
• What do we envision for our future together?

Once you’ve shared your thoughts, identify specific, actionable goals.

For example:

• Daily Connection: Spend 15 minutes each day talking without screens or interruptions. My couples love FANOS as structured check in.
• Shared Experiences: Try one new activity each month, like cooking a new recipe or going paddle-boarding.
• Long-Term Planning: Save for a dream vacation or work towards buying a home together.

The key is to make your goals realistic and aligned with both partners’ values. Write them down, revisit them regularly, and celebrate your progress.

Setting Goals for Your Sex Life
Talking about sex can feel vulnerable, but that’s precisely why it’s so important. Start by creating a judgment-free zone where both partners can share their desires, boundaries, and fantasies.

You might ask:

• What do we enjoy most about our sex life (like when, where, how)?
• Are there things we’d like to try or explore (time, toys, travel, themes)?
• How can we make intimacy a priority amidst our busy schedules?

Here are some examples of sex-related goals you might set:

• Prioritize Intimacy: Commit to scheduling regular “us time” without distractions.
• Explore Together: Try one new thing monthly, whether that’s a different position, introducing toys, or reading an erotic story together.
• Improve Communication: Practice checking in during and after intimacy to share what felt good and what you’d like more of.

Remember, these goals should always feel fun and collaborative, not pressured or obligatory. Consent and comfort come first.

Staying on Track
Once your goals are set, it’s important to stay accountable without turning them into a source of stress.

Here are some tips to keep things on track:

• Regular Check-Ins: Schedule monthly or quarterly check-ins to discuss how things are going. What’s working? What needs adjustment?
• Celebrate Wins: Acknowledge your progress, no matter how small. Did you stick to your weekly date nights for a month? High-five! Finally try that fantasy you’ve been nervous to share? Amazing.
• Be Flexible: Life happens, and sometimes goals need to shift. Stay adaptable and supportive of each other.

The Big Picture
Goal setting in your partnership and sex life isn’t about perfection—it’s about intention. By creating space for these conversations, you and your partner can deepen your connection, keep the spark alive, and build a relationship that continues to grow and thrive. So, grab a pen, pour a glass of wine (or your favorite tea), and start dreaming and planning together. Your relationship is worth it.

If you want support as you are goal setting, call me for therapy or ladies — join the Pleasure Circle starting in mid January for a big boost! See below!