Pleasure Project Blog
Relationship to Pleasure
I recently spent time in the desert—visiting a handful of friends and family who have made it their part time home. I noticed a shift as I entered city limits. The energy is light and joyful. People are playful and engaged.
Travel & Sex
Exploring the Netherlands' Progressive Approach to Sex and Sexuality During my recent travel to visit a dear friend and her family in Utrecht, a charming town just 40 minutes from Amsterdam, I was struck by…
Women’s Sexuality
Jessica came to see me for sex therapy. She doesn’t understand why she doesn’t want sex with her partner. She wants to want it, but most of the time she could go without. Our work…
The Power of Gratitude
In a retreat with Psychologist Diana Hill this spring, I did a gratitude meditation. She asked us to wander for 15 minutes and repeat “Thank you for X, Y, Z with each step.” I was…
Election Stress
Do you have election jitters? We are in strange times with our political system and many people I see in my practice have free floating anxiety about how this is all going to play out.…
Trying to Conceive
Andrew and Ella decide to try for a child. Their sex life suddenly swerves to an unfamiliar path while trying to conceive. They are acutely aware of the significance of their intimacy and feel self…
Pillow Talk
Slowing Your Post-Erotic Roll to Savor the Afterglow Pillow talk—the intimate conversation and connection that couples share immediately after sex—plays a vital role in deepening emotional bonds and enhancing relationship satisfaction. While people often emphasize…
Sensual Touch
Sensual touch is one of the most powerful forms of communication in human relationships. It transcends words, forging deep connections between partners by appealing to both emotional and physical senses. Through the act of touch, we…
Best Practices Review for Clinicians Offering Sex Therapy with Lesbians
I came out as lesbian at age 19 and have navigated that process repeatedly for three decades. The queer community is consistently neglected in research, and therefore our clinical knowledge is hampered. Pairing my passions…
Normalizing
Shame is a one of the hardest and most common issues related to mental health. Feeling “wrong” or bad in whatever form causes embarrassment, dread and avoidance. One of my favorite therapeutic tools to help…
Erectile Dysfunction
Brad was starting to avoid sex. He couldn’t count on having an erection, so his anxiety would spike at the thought of initiating intimacy. His partner noticed the avoidance but she did not link it…
In the Flesh vs. On the Screen
In our modern, digital age, the accessibility of porn has changed how we approach sexuality and if we prioritize humans over screens. While porn consumption is often seen as a private, harmless activity, its effects…
Embracing Sexuality After a Conservative Upbringing
Growing up in a conservative environment often comes with a set of rigid social norms and moral values that significantly shape one’s understanding of sexuality. For many of my clients, these formative years can create deep-seated…
Scheduled Sex
How do you prioritize what matters in your life? People have very different strategies and expectations for setting and navigating priorities. My fellow Type A’s put most things on a list and take extreme joy…
Attachment Strategies in the Bedroom…
There’s a long-standing joke that therapy starts with “tell me about your mother.” While everything doesn’t come back to that single caregiver, much of our worldview does hinge on how we were raised and shown care. Unconscious expectations…
The Function of Sex
One of the questions I often ask my clients is why – simply why do you want to have a different or “better” s*x life? It seems like a given that everybody would want this, and yet…
Porn: In Good Times or in Bad
Hot Potato Porn Porn is a loaded topic. It sits squarely between the two hats I wear professionally: sex therapist and sex addictiontherapist. For some, porn is lubricant for letting go. Albeit tragically unrealistic, it…
Book Recommendations
Embarking on a journey of self-discovery and enhancing intimacy within your relationships is a profound and empowering experience. This week, we bring you a curated list of books that delve into the realms of passion,…
The Psychology of Faking It
Org*sms are not always easy to achieve—especially for women. They (mostly) require some or all of the following: focus, communication, patience, vulnerability. They also require that women put their own pleasure as a priority in…