Pleasure Project Blog

Hibernation: A Tale of Survival and Connection

When we think of hibernation, our minds often drift to bears slumbering in caves, bats tucked into crevices, or frogs freezing in suspended animation. Animals use hibernation as a survival mechanism, conserving energy during harsh winters when resources are scarce. But what if humans also hibernate—not in the literal sense but emotionally and relationally?

Life gets busy, routines take over, and before you know it, you and your partner might feel a bit disconnected or stuck in a rut. The solution? Goal setting. While most people associate goals with careers or fitness, they can be just as transformative when applied to your relationship and sex life.

Many of my clients are coming out of the fog of parenthood. Their kids have made it through the teenage years and are heading off to college or the working world. They don’t need parenting in the same way, except for an occasional Venmo transfer or airport run. They are empty nesting.

Leave to Come Home…

I recently spent time in the desert—visiting a handful of friends and family who have made it their part time home. I noticed a shift as I entered city limits. The energy is light and joyful. People are playful and engaged.

Exploring the Netherlands' Progressive Approach to Sex and Sexuality During my recent travel to visit a dear friend and her family in Utrecht, a charming town just 40 minutes from Amsterdam, I was struck by…

Jessica came to see me for sex therapy. She doesn’t understand why she doesn’t want sex with her partner. She wants to want it, but most of the time she could go without. Our work…

In a retreat with Psychologist Diana Hill this spring, I did a gratitude meditation. She asked us to wander for 15 minutes and repeat “Thank you for X, Y, Z with each step.” I was…

Do you have election jitters? We are in strange times with our political system and many people I see in my practice have free floating anxiety about how this is all going to play out…

Andrew and Ella decide to try for a child. Their sex life suddenly swerves to an unfamiliar path while trying to conceive. They are acutely aware of the significance of their intimacy and feel self…

The World of Fetish: A Complex Exploration of Desire and Identity Fetishism is a multifaceted and often misunderstood aspect of human sexuality. It refers to a heightened attraction or fixation on specific objects, body parts,…

Slowing Your Post-Erotic Roll to Savor the Afterglow Pillow talk—the intimate conversation and connection that couples share immediately after sex—plays a vital role in deepening emotional bonds and enhancing relationship satisfaction. While people often emphasize…

Sensual touch is one of the most powerful forms of communication in human relationships. It transcends words, forging deep connections between partners by appealing to both emotional and physical senses. Through the act of touch, we…

I came out as lesbian at age 19 and have navigated that process repeatedly for three decades. The queer community is consistently neglected in research, and therefore our clinical knowledge is hampered. Pairing my passions…

Shame is a one of the hardest and most common issues related to mental health. Feeling “wrong” or bad in whatever form causes embarrassment, dread and avoidance. One of my favorite therapeutic tools to help…

Growing up in a conservative environment often comes with a set of rigid social norms and moral values that significantly shape one’s understanding of sexuality. For many of my clients, these formative years can create deep-seated…

How do you prioritize what matters in your life? People have very different strategies and expectations for setting and navigating priorities. My fellow Type A’s put most things on a list and take extreme joy…

There’s a long-standing joke that therapy starts with “tell me about your mother.” While everything doesn’t come back to that single caregiver, much of our worldview does hinge on how we were raised and shown care. Unconscious expectations…

One of the questions I often ask my clients is why – simply why do you want to have a different or “better” s*x life? It seems like a given that everybody would want this, and yet…