Good Vibrations

I’m currently reading Betty Dodson’s Sex for One. I am delighted by her evangelism for the pursuit of pleasure. Starting in the late 1960s, Dodson, an artist, turned her focus toward eroticism. She began drawing nudes, and she had several gallery shows the caused quite a stir.

Subsequently, Dodson created classes and small gatherings to empower women (and eventually men) to look at their bodies and to touch themselves. She dismantled the barriers around, looking, wanting, fantasizing. Women didn’t have to adhere to the ever-present gender roles. She was adamant about the idea that we must feel comfortable within ourselves before we can possibly, truly enjoy intimacy with another.

Massager Gets a Promotion

Dodson also introduced body massagers as a central part of her work with both men and women. They have long been known to facilitate a shockingly good orgasm. In my work as a couples and s*x therapist, I’ve heard plenty of pushback (mostly from male partners) who don’t want to feel like they’re competing with a device.

Let’s take a closer look at this dynamic. What is the “massager” or, more likely the vibrator these days, actually doing? It’s increasing blood flow to muscles—which happen to be located between your legs. It offers efficient, consistent, adjustable pressure. And, it’s not going to steal you away from your relationship. Rather, it’s another tool in your toolbox which can be used in your relationship, if you so choose.

I often get asked if we can use our vibrator too much and desensitize ourselves for partner play. The answer is that it depends. The vibrator offers a consistency and speed that cannot be matched by the human hand or tongue. Frequent use can condition you to expect things to happen fast, which isn’t always the best. But you are in the driver’s seat, so slow it down and drop into your pleasure. You can edge away from fast release and build tolerance. You can also use it in conjunction with partner penetrative s*x.

Vibrators come in all colors, textures, shapes and sizes depending on how you like your touch: direct, indirect, external, internal, on the perinium (the bridge between your front and backside). Dodson beat a drum I fully endorse: this is your body so explore what works for you—which is likely to change from day to day.

We cover topics like this on the Pleasure Project Podcast and in the Pleasure Circle small group. Tune in and feel free to ask questions if you have ideas or want to know more.

Ready to unpack your own relationship to sex? Contact Dr. Jenn for therapy. Or you might also consider joining the next Pleasure Circle. You can find out more at my website: Pleasure Project or tune into the Pleasure Project podcast for volumes of free, rich content about women’s pleasure journey.

Are you ready to join the conversation? Do you have topics you’d like to hear more about? Send Dr. Jenn Kennedy an email with questions and she may address it in a future newsletter or the Pleasure Project Podcast.