Relationship Audit: 10 Questions Couples Should Ask Annually

Relationship Audit: 10 Questions Couples Should Ask Annually

Most people schedule yearly physicals, review their finances, and service their cars. Yet many couples go years without intentionally checking in on the health of their relationship. Relationships don’t usually fall apart because of one dramatic event. More often, they drift. Small disappointments go unspoken. Needs change. Life gets busier. The connection that once felt effortless begins running on autopilot. That’s why I encourage couples to conduct a yearly relationship audit. Not because something is wrong, but because healthy relationships require maintenance.

Think of it as an opportunity to pause, reflect, and make small adjustments before minor issues become major problems. Set aside an hour, pour a glass of wine (or make some tea), and ask each other these questions.

1. How connected do you feel to me right now?

Don’t assume you know the answer. One partner may feel deeply connected while the other feels lonely, unseen, or emotionally distant. Start with curiosity rather than defensiveness. The goal isn’t agreement. It’s understanding.

2. What has felt really good in our relationship this year?

Most couples spend far more time discussing problems than celebrating what’s working. Before diving into improvements, identify your strengths.

What moments brought you closer?

What did your partner do that made you feel loved, appreciated, or supported? Healthy relationships grow where appreciation is expressed.

3. Is there anything you’ve been hesitant to tell me?

This question often uncovers conversations that have been waiting to happen.

Sometimes it’s a small irritation. Sometimes it’s a disappointment, a fear, or an unmet need. Creating space for honesty prevents resentment from quietly accumulating.

4. What do you need more of from me?

Needs change over time. The support you needed during a demanding work year may be different from what you need today. Maybe you need more affection, more quality time, more help around the house, or simply more attention. Don’t make your partner guess.

5. What do you need less of from me?

This question is just as important. Perhaps it’s criticism. Interrupting. Giving advice when support is needed. Being glued to a phone. Avoiding difficult conversations. Growth often comes from reducing behaviors that create distance.

6. How are we doing sexually?

Many couples avoid talking about sex until there’s a problem. Instead, make it a regular conversation. What feels satisfying? What’s missing? What would you like more of? Less of? What are you curious about? The healthiest couples aren’t necessarily having the most sex—they’re having ongoing conversations about their intimate life.

7. Are we handling stress as a team?

Work, parenting, aging parents, finances, health concerns, and daily responsibilities can easily turn partners into co-managers of life rather than romantic partners.

Ask yourselves: When life gets hard, do we move toward each other or away from each other? The answer often reveals more than any discussion about conflict.

8. What are we avoiding?

Every couple has something they’re not talking about. A recurring argument. A financial concern. A parenting disagreement. A sexual issue. A future decision. Avoidance may reduce discomfort temporarily, but it rarely solves the problem. Naming what’s being avoided is often the first step toward change.

9. What are you looking forward to in the next year?

Couples need more than shared responsibilities. They need shared anticipation.

Research consistently shows that having things to look forward to together strengthens connection. A trip. A project. A goal. A new adventure. Shared excitement helps create momentum in a relationship.

10. If we could improve one thing in our relationship this year, what would have the biggest impact?

Keep it simple. You don’t need a ten-point improvement plan. Identify the one change that would make the greatest difference. Then commit to taking one small action toward it together. Small changes, practiced consistently, often create the biggest results.

Final Thoughts

A relationship audit isn’t about judging your partnership. It’s about staying intentional.

The strongest couples aren’t the ones who never struggle. They’re the ones who regularly pause, check in, and make adjustments as they grow. Relationships are living systems. They evolve, shift, and change over time. The question isn’t whether your relationship has changed. The question is whether you’ve taken the time to notice. This year, schedule the conversation before you think you need it. Your future relationship will thank you.

Want to Explore This More?

At Riviera Therapy, we help couples strengthen communication, navigate conflict, rebuild connection, and create relationships that feel intentional rather than automatic. Whether you’re feeling disconnected, stuck in recurring patterns, or simply want to deepen your partnership, therapy can provide a space to have the conversations that matter most. Because the strongest relationships aren’t the ones without challenges—they’re the ones that make time to address them.

Do you have sexy topics you want discussed? Reach out and let Dr. Jenn know.