Erectile Dysfunction
Brad was starting to avoid sex. He couldn’t count on having an erection, so his anxiety would spike at the thought of initiating intimacy. His partner noticed the avoidance but she did not link it to his occasional ED. She…
Scheduled Sex
How do you prioritize what matters in your life? People have very different strategies and expectations for setting and navigating priorities. My fellow Type A’s put most things on a list and take extreme joy and checking it off, whereas…
Attachment Strategies in the Bedroom…
There’s a long-standing joke that therapy starts with “tell me about your mother.” While everything doesn’t come back to that single caregiver, much of our worldview does hinge on how we were raised and shown care. Unconscious expectations and perceptions are deeply…
The Function of Sex
One of the questions I often ask my clients is why – simply why do you want to have a different or “better” s*x life? It seems like a given that everybody would want this, and yet most people don’t stop to…
Does “Sleep Divorce” Mean the End?
Anyone over 40 years old knows that sleeping becomes a closely guarded, prized experience. It's how we regenerate and keep our minds clear and focused. It's also hard to come by for many people, and having someone next to you…
Handling Sexual Rejection
We’ve all been there. In fact, we’ve likely been on both sides of the no, and neither side is easy. You and your partner are feeling frisky, and the interest seems to be mutual and building in heat. And then…
What’s Different About Lesbian Sex?
June is Pride Month 🌈 I’m offering a Pleasure Circle for lesbian and bisexual women in July. I’m also dedicating this newsletter to the topic of my PhD dissertation: Sex Therapy with Lesbians. My goal was to contribute insight about how same-sex…
Sexual Desire in Long-Term Relationships
One of the most frequent reasons people come to see me as a sex therapist is to talk about the lack of desire they feel in their long-term relationship. These couples have been together 10, 20 even 40+ years and…
Releasing Inertia
Remember when you first met? It was hot and heavy. You couldn’t stop having sex. You replayed all the little moments when you were apart. You felt tingly when you were about to see each other again. Sex felt organic…
It’s Hard Feel Pleasure With All That Pressure
So, you want to have sex. However, the audience (of your mind) has become unruly. They are critical and unforgiving. They notice anything and everything you are doing wrong. Their insults or doubt might include comments about how you look,…