Erectile Dysfunction
Brad was starting to avoid sex. He couldn’t count on having an erection, so his anxiety would spike at the thought of initiating intimacy. His partner noticed the avoidance but she did not link it to his occasional ED. She…
Scheduled Sex
How do you prioritize what matters in your life? People have very different strategies and expectations for setting and navigating priorities. My fellow Type A’s put most things on a list and take extreme joy and checking it off, whereas…
Attachment Strategies in the Bedroom…
There’s a long-standing joke that therapy starts with “tell me about your mother.” While everything doesn’t come back to that single caregiver, much of our worldview does hinge on how we were raised and shown care. Unconscious expectations and perceptions are deeply rooted…
The Function of Sex
One of the questions I often ask my clients is why – simply why do you want to have a different or “better” s*x life? It seems like a given that everybody would want this, and yet most people don’t stop to…
Porn: In Good Times or in Bad
Hot Potato Porn Porn is a loaded topic. It sits squarely between the two hats I wear professionally: sex therapist and sex addictiontherapist. For some, porn is lubricant for letting go. Albeit tragically unrealistic, it often provides a welcome spark…
The Psychology of Faking It
Org*sms are not always easy to achieve—especially for women. They (mostly) require some or all of the following: focus, communication, patience, vulnerability. They also require that women put their own pleasure as a priority in the dynamic. This isn’t as…
Does “Sleep Divorce” Mean the End?
Anyone over 40 years old knows that sleeping becomes a closely guarded, prized experience. It’s how we regenerate and keep our minds clear and focused. It’s also hard to come by for many people, and having someone next to you…
Handling Sexual Rejection
We’ve all been there. In fact, we’ve likely been on both sides of the no, of sexual rejection, and neither side is easy. You and your partner are feeling frisky, and the interest seems to be mutual and building in…
What’s Different About Lesbian Sex?
June is Pride Month 🌈 I’m dedicating this newsletter to the topic of my PhD dissertation: Sex Therapy with Lesbians. My goal was to contribute insight about how same-sex attracted women are unique in their needs for sex therapy and…
Sexual Desire in Long-Term Relationships
One of the most frequent reasons people come to see me as a sex therapist is to talk about the lack of desire they feel in their long-term relationship. These couples have been together 10, 20 even 40+ years and have significant shared…